Seven

We’ve just celebrated our anniversary of living in New Zealand for 7 years.  Early on in our relationship, Cheryl and I talked and dreamt of taking our (some day) family on a ministry adventure overseas.  It was not always something we talked about often but it did come up from time to time.  Then in 2006 we decided that the prompting of the Lord was for us to leave the church we had started in Peachland B.C. and launch out into a new adventure.  We eventually found a place that had been praying for a pastor to come for several years.  A little church called the International Christian Centre in Auckland New Zealand.   Sadly, through a series of unfortunate events, we ended up closing the doors in the fifth year of our leadership.  This was one of the unhappiest moments of my pastoral career.   While going through this difficult time I became aware that I was suffering from a mild depression.  It was also during this time that I reengaged some old and seriously bad eating habits and experienced significant weight gain which only compounded things.  I was very perplexed as to the reasons why God had flown us all the way to New Zealand just to shut down a church.  Surely He could have used someone local and spared us the experience and the expense.   However, not everything was bad and my family for the most part was flourishing.   Cheryl was blossoming in her renewed career as a public school teacher and all of our daughters had found themselves some great friends.  Our two eldest daughters found a couple of great fellas, and although at times they have all missed their homeland they have all very much embraced their new country as their own.  When I looked at how God was moving and encouraging and blessing the rest of my family I knew we had made the right choice.  But still a profound sense of bewilderment was a constant companion for me.  Then I came across a verse that was familiar to me but this time it was alive and leapt off the page at me.  2 Corinthians 4:8 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing.”   It was the words “perplexed, but not despairing” that rang true in my heart and mind.  I was definitely perplexed.  A stack of “why” questions had formed on the desktop of my mind.   Nothing had made any sense.  Why a church full of wonderful people eventually closed its doors was near the top of that stack.  I decided that if the great apostle Paul was perplexed then why couldn’t I?   The difference between him and me was I was in despair!  I had allowed my own personal value and sense of worth to be attached to the success (or failure) of this little church.  So I confessed my lack of faith in a sovereign all-knowing, all-powerful and gracious God and eventually my spirit began to move out of despair.  God knows exactly what he is doing and never has nor ever will make a mistake.  We on the other hand, are full of doubts, worries, fears and weaknesses and this limits our ability to know exactly what is going on. This forces the issue of trust.  Do I or do I not trust him? He knows the end from the beginning, and he rises up some and puts others down.  Like Paul was perplexed so too am I.  Now I can also say like Paul was I am not in despair.  A new and deep calmness come over me.  A peace that passed my human understanding was mine and I liked it!  I have since been called to pastor a Chinese Alliance Church here in Auckland and I am having a really good experience with this great group of people.   There are still plenty of perplexities, I am sure there will be more to come and I am also sure that there will be very few if any answers until the day we meet Jesus.  In the meantime, I am focused on simply being obedient and faithful to the ministry that God has placed me in.  Loving God and loving the people he has placed in my life.  Seeking to lead, encourage, support, and mentor people like a priest of the living God should do.  To God be the glory, great things he has done. Wonder what the next 7 years will be like?