How long does one need to be propped up by fellow believers? I know a person who arrived on our churches doorstep about 6 years ago broken, depressed and really hurting. His wife had left him with their kids suddenly. He arrived home to find them all gone. He started coming out faithfully to church , joined a life group and rededicate his life to God and even got baptized with a believers baptism. He began the slow but steady road to recovery and really did very well up until about a few years ago. That is when he met his girlfriend. They instantly made a great couple. His life group began the process of introducing "purity" into his life as a healthy and godly way of respecting this young lady. We tried our best to hold him accountable and for the most part he had been very respectful and accommodating. But things began to change. Silence began to show up in his life when before he was always talking about his relationship. Then we began to notice her staying over night and we began to dig into the idea of purity more and more candidly. He constantly was on a roller coaster over this and eventually, even with our valiant efforts to encourage him to keep their relationship pure, she got pregnant. Now the issue is to marry or not but my friend can not make up his mind. He was eager to submit to the group and be accountable to make changes with their sexual relationship. Then our group decided to take a break over the summer and we left on holidays. Yesterday, I found out he is ready to buy a house with her and move in. I was so angry with him I just stormed away. What is that about? I understand the power of fellowship and how essential it is to our Christian lives but come on... When does it become like some sort of "co-dependent" thing. As soon as the group is absent, even after 5+ years of propping him up he has no backbone to make good solid Christ-like decisions! I'm pretty frustrated with him and I am planning to sit down and chat with him about the unwelcome but necessary prospects of church discipline. But the thing that bothers me most is all the work, years of building into a life, and the repayment is summed up with him repeating the exact same mistakes over and over again. Very frustrating!
So I guess, after writing thus far, it is not far from my mind that God has had to deal with me and all of us the same way even after years and years of working on our hearts and propping us up we still are prone to fall. We are prone to unforgiveness and holding grudges, we are prone to walking away from relationships rather than working them out in a Christ like manner. We are prone to blame and accuse and criticize and blast away at another person who is made in God's image just like us! We are prone to sin and therefore we are all in a position of needing much grace. I guess at the end of the day we can trust that God will deal with his children and sometimes that means church discipline. Oh the joys of church leadership! Any way, thanks for reading my lament, I would be suprised if you're still reading this with me. Cheers!
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3 comments:
I think our responsibility is simply to point the way, not prop up. We can't be responsible for the decisions and actions of others. Our support and encouragement makes it easier for others to live moral lives.
It sounds like he desires to live a moral life but is haunted by many issues (his family leaving him is only the tip of the iceburg--what we are able to see--the rest lies underneath and only God in his timing can heal those things. It would certainly be quicker to heal if he lived in obedience but he will have to learn that on his own when things start to fall apart, yet again.)
We have a couple of people in our life who--well, I've said before, they'd have a better chance of making a good decision if they flipped a coin! It's tough, and you really can't be very close with them--too frustrating.
Let go and let God bro!
Kevin and I are both in a stage of being fed up with people choosing immorality. Adults choosing to live immoral lives and, just about worse, parents who condone, accept and even encourage their children's sexual immorality. Very frustrating. But, like Kevin said, it is only a snapshot of how God must feel when we continue to sin, and yet He continues to love us and draw us to Himself and longs for our repentance, changed lives and worship.
Shuana, I like your analogy about flipping a coin to make better decisions....sad, but true, for so many people! We need to constantly pray for wisdom for ourselves and our children to make wise choices.
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